Breaking...

So I'm at my breaking point today...so this may be the last thing I post.. (some blog right?) But..I don't think I can keep going on...right now the only thoughts in my head are I wish I had a gun because hanging myself will still give me a painful death. I use to be strong..I use to be able to avoid these thoughts but.. I can't anymore. My time is at an end I believe and well...at least it's happening now while im still young. Most people think it the other way as your young you still have your whole life ahead of you...but I'm thinking about it now as in I'm young..I haven't accomplished much so now is the time to die if I really want to, right? I just can't take hurting anymore...I've been able to keep strong for so long but sometimes you get tired of holding on and you just let go of the weight of the world and have it crash down on you. Hopefully this issue of depression gets more attention and things start getting better for people. So is this really "selfish" if I have other people in mind? Thinking this may help others in some way..I mean when my friend Jesse hung himself,  people changed..it didn't last long..but maybe a second time will open their eyes more. If you don't know how to help other dealing with depression look up TWLOHA. But..this is the end of my post..so..goodbye..

Stay Happy.

I guess this is one of the reasons why I keep moving on day after day even though I feel like giving up. This video has helped me so much and I don't even know why...I watch this almost every morning before my day starts. It just gives me an extra boost.

What's wrong with me?

This is something I always find myself thinking about...what's wrong with me? I mean...I am always depressed, always on the verge of crying, leaving for months and just wandering off..but why? I mean..most people would think my life is good. I have clean nice clothes, food, a job, plenty of people who like me. I shouldn't be feeling the way I do...but I do. Like...something is missing in my life but I can't piece together exactly what it is. I guess the only thing I can do is take in each day and see where it goes.

The War with Myself.

Sometimes I really wish I had the nerve and the strength to finally do what I constantly think about but I don't..I honestly don't know what is keeping me from just doing it. I mean I want to...yet..just something is stopping me.. /:

Social Anxiety.

Hey there. Today I just wanted to talk about social anxiety and how it effects me. Social anxiety is a discomfort or a fear when a person is in social interactions that involve a concern about being judged or evaluated by their peers. This for me has cause a lot of stress and disconnection from many others. This anxiety can be caused by a number of things. For me it was caused by bullying and having no one to turn too for help to make it easier. Since I had no one to turn to, the things others said really got to me and I started to believe everything anyone said. Grades started to slip since I was more worried about people looking at me during tests or to focused thinking about what's going to happen the next day at school rather than doing homework. During class if we had to read aloud or answer questions I would get so nervous and just start shaking cause I didn't want any attention on myself. In high school almost every year I was late about 140 times, between an hour-three hours at most. I would wake up in the morning, get ready, and if my hair didn't look good enough I would start breaking down in my bathroom and would not go outside till it looked to what I thought others thought "perfect." On the days I would just go in, I would make it about 10 minutes through the first period, than go into the bathroom for about 20 and just sit in the stall to hide. Things have slowly been getting better though. Through support from friends and random people complementing me over time. But it's still there and is still something that controls my life. If anyone else is ever feeling alone, with no one to turn to I'm here for you. I would hate to see others fall into this like I have.

Why I chose "followyoursoul".

Just quickly wanted to say why I chose the name, "followyoursoul" as the blog url. To me life is more than just trying to make it in the world. It's about going out and doing what makes you happy. Finding yourself and what you want in life and doing whatever it takes to take yourself from start to finish. And well your soul is many things, your emotional state, spiritual state, and most importantly your sense of identity. Don't go out there and follow what other people say or do cause you think what they are doing is what's cool to do. Follow YOUR soul and go out there and be yourself so everything in your life is set how you want it and so you can have no regrets.

The Opening!

Hey there everybody. I've been wanting to start blogging so well..here it is! This blog is mainly going to be about my story, events in my life, and how I try to get through daily struggles dealing with anxiety, depression, relationships, and wars with myself. So I hope by me sharing my stories helps others dealing with similar situations. So..stay tuned I guess!